Mommy Porn and Fifty Shades of Grey

11 Comments June 21, 2012 in Christian Life, Marriage, Married Single Moms, Teen Girls and Women

Mommy Porn.

I had never heard that term before. I assumed it was just when women watched porn.

But I was wrong. So wrong.

What is Mommy Porn?

Mommy Porn is a steamy movie or book that gets a woman sexually aroused.

The attractiveness of Mommy Porn stems from a few things:

1. Women may feel sexually stagnant after they have babies.

They may find it harder to be sexually aroused after a baby, partly because they’ve been doing baby things all day and don’t feel very sexy. Reading erotica novels gets their sexuality aroused and they feel they are sexy again.

2. Because Mommy Porn is often in book form, at least to begin with, there is this sense of ‘safeness’ to it.

It’s JUST a book, therefore it’s not really like porn. But it is.

3. Mommy Porn tends to focus a great deal on women having power.

When women engage in Mommy Porn it often gives them a sense of being in charge of their sexuality. They want to be in control and in charge.

4. Mommy Porn – unlike regular porn (from what I understand) – is the “full course meal” for women sexually.

It’s not just sex.

The book or movie builds romance, builds sexual tension, and does it through relationship.

Mommy Porn videos are about people in relationship, even if that relationship is illicit or illegal, or otherwise unorthodox and exciting.

Women get caught up in the story… and are sexually aroused long before the sex scene arrives. So it is easy to say… ‘There was just this one short section of sex, no big deal.’ When in fact the entire book or movie was carefully crafted to arouse the woman’s greatest and strongest sexual organ – her brain.

Fifty Shades of Trouble

I have not read erotica and I never plan to.

But I have struggled with fantasy, with sexual thoughts, with purity of heart and mind and emotion. I have also seen porn ruin marriages – whether it’s the men or the women who engage in it.

There is a new book out… sold over 100,000 books the first week it was out. You’ve probably heard of it. The whole world is abuzz with it.

Fifty Shades of Grey.

Married Solo Moms and Mommy Porn - Carla Anne Coroy - Romance and Mommy Porn

As you might guess from all the fuss about it, this one’s much worse than usual. It’s not about ‘plain’ sex. It’s about BDSM (bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism).

One woman interviewed, who apparently is much like many other women who were interviewed, said that she is using erotica novels (and particularly this new one) as a manual for what to try in the bedroom with her husband.

So she brings the book to bed. She’s already aroused by what she’s read… not by her husband. And the sex might be different and even more exciting than before… but they didn’t build intimacy. They didn’t have sex with each other… they use each other’s bodies to reach orgasm while they fantasized about what they’d read or watched.

That’s not what God had in mind.

Not for anyone. Not for married women. Not for single women. And certainly not for married solo moms.

Women Beware

Here is a warning I want to give.

If you are a married solo mom (or a married woman who feels sexually frustrated in your marriage) you are greatly at risk when it comes to these books!

It may be very easy to pick up some erotica or mommy porn and be sexually satisfied in minutes. But this will erode true intimacy with your husband, setting up both you and he (and your kids) for devastation.

True intimacy with your husband includes union on all levels – spiritual, physical, emotional, and sexual. You cannot separate one area from the others without causing hurt and damage. That damage grows and eventually destroys.

What about you? Let us know!

  • Have you struggled with the temptation of erotica or mommy porn?
  • Do you think Mommy Porn is safer than regular porn?
  • Many Christian women are praising the book ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’. What would you say in response to that?
  • Some say Mommy Porn begins with or includes the reading of romance novels. Do you agree or disagree, and why?

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  1. Lori says:

    I wrote a post about it several month ago ~
    http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2012/04/50-shades-of-evil.html

    It is an evil book that will help in the continual destruction of marriages and I am very sad that so many Christian women are reading it. The alarm needs to be sounded!

    • Carla Anne says:

      Lori, great post by the way! Thanks. Yes, the alarm does need to be sounded. It is crazy. And it breaks pure, godly intimacy so fast, yet it can take YEARS to remove it from our minds and hearts. May the LORD win this battle and I pray His BRIDE will pursue holiness. He will not tolerate ‘grey’… no matter how many shades of it there are!

  2. I agree with your perspective here. It’s disheartening to see the book raved about on television.

    • Carla Anne says:

      Melanie Dorsey, thanks and welcome to the blog. Yes.. it is very disheartening. And even more so when I see Christian women extolling it’s ‘greatness’. The call to purity must be shouted loud and clear!!

  3. Michelle T. says:

    I remember very clearly thumbing through “romance novels” that belonged to women I babysat for, looking for the “good parts.” It was my first exposure to something pornographic in nature, and it was magnetic! Fortunately, for me, it did not become a life-long habit. I have read other posts about this new book, and can not BELIEVE how hard some Christian women are fighting to defend it. Any sexual experience that occurs outside of our marriage relationships is damaging. And once the damage is done, it’s a very long way back to health. Thank you, Carla, for taking a stand.

  4. TTillie says:

    I’ve never struggled with this in terms of reading that type of book (romance/erotica, what have you) regularly, but when I was MUCH younger and not yet married, I heard about another such book. I didn’t know *what* the book was about though, just that it was supposed to be a “good” book. It took me YEARS (more than 10) to keep those images at bay. I had them in my head as a sort of erotic device as well as a source of morbid curiosity. I would NEVER do the things described in the book, but the thought of them was … exciting. I’ve been married for 13 years, and it’s not a temptation for me to read such books, but married or no, they are not harmless. I hated those images; hated having them invade my thoughts. I have already begun discussing both “regular” pornography (and its dangers) as well as erotica (and its dangers) with my oldest son. I know that it might not – won’t – eradicate the temptation for them to look at what’s there. I can only hope and pray that it helps make them *think* before they put those images in their minds. PRAY is an operative word there. Every. single. day.

    • Carla Anne says:

      TTillie, your encouragement to pray, pray, pray is a wise one. If it was just a story book the images wouldn’t burn into our minds, invading our most private and intimate moments with our husbands. We need to teach our young people the dangers of both porn and erotica. You are right.

  5. sarah says:

    I agree that it’s dangerous and wrong. It’s along the same lines as an emotional affair vs. physical sexual affair. Men are stimulated visually and physically, women are stimulated emotionally. One is just as wrong as the other. My husband tells me romance novels contributed to his parents’ divorce.

    • Carla Anne says:

      sarah, Wow… I believe that romance novels can lead to a divorce, but not many are willing to admit it. Thanks for sharing.

  6. Natalie says:

    To answer your questions:
    1. Yes, I’ve struggled with this, but even as a teen. Had to stop reading regular run-of-the mill fiction because of it. In recent decades, I try to stay with Christian publishers I trust, so that I am reading a story that will build my love for God and His ways.
    2. Mommy porn? Take away the “mommy” and what would be left? Porn. Who are we trying to kid?
    3. In response, I would warn these women to give their heads a shake! The kind of sex promoted by this book seems to go against a number of spiritual principles. Danna Gresh talks about this is her Pure Freedom blog. Also, pause to consider that this book may become the next box-office hit. Repulsive.
    4. This question is less clear-cut ie contains shades of gray! Love and romance are part of life. Love stories can be shared in such a way that they don’t cause sexual arousal! There are publishers out there that recognize this, and who have done a great job in publishing romance stories that draw my heart towards God and His ways, and deal with issues beyond romance.

    God is Truth and Light. There is no darkness in Him, not even ONE shade of grey.

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