As I toured Southern Ontario this last month I met many married solo moms. The question always… will it get better? Will it always be this hard?
Will it get better?
I can’t say a flat-out No. But neither can I give everyone a Yes.
Your circumstances may never change. If that’s the case, no – it may not get any “better”.
For example, if your husband is choosing to be distant from your family, I cannot guarantee that if you do A+B+C your marriage will suddenly be amazing.
But I can promise you this…
If you become more and more the woman that God created you to be – fully devoted to God above all things, living in holy obedience – your situation will change.
Not because your husband or your circumstances are any different, but because YOU are different.
A trip to the hardware store
Do you remember being a child and going into the hardware store with your parents?
We’d go to Canadian Tire and I dreaded it. The store stunk like rubber from tires (I thought), and there was not a single thing in the store that was interesting.
Recently we bought a house and moved in. We were given a gift but we had to choose between a gift card for Pizza or a gift card for Canadian Tire. My husband and I thought it was a sort of dumb question because who WOULDN’T want the Canadian Tire gift card.
There’s no way I’d pick pizza over Canadian Tire!!!
Canadian Tire is STILL a hardware store, they STILL sell tires and tools and camping supplies and other sundry supplies.
I’ll tell you what changed – I changed.
I grew up, I matured, and I learned the value of doing-it-yourself. I became a homeowner and I have to maintain that home. I am no longer a child who searches the aisles for toys and treats.
The same thing can happen in our marriages. We grow in the Lord, we mature and we learn how to live for holiness instead of happiness. Instead of searching for ‘toys and treats’ we’re looking for eternal treasures that we can build in our difficult marriages.
We learn to please God and not people. We see value in things eternal instead of things temporal.
I can now go into that same hardware store I used to hate and get lost for hours looking at paint chips, cabinetry hardware, perennials, and ergonomic snow shovels. And as we grow up in the Lord we can be in the same marriage relationship but find joy and hope because we are no longer looking for happiness in the same way.
God changes us
As we become women who put our trust fully in God, our relationships can’t help but change.
Our husbands have to relate to us differently because we are no longer the same people. Sometimes our husbands will respond by also changing to be more Christ-like. Sometimes they change by making things worse for us! Either way – we are no longer looking for ‘treats and toys’ in our relationship with them.
Instead we are on our knees before God asking Him to use these difficult days to refine us, to purify us and make us more and more like Him. We can ask for His wisdom and strength knowing with full confidence that He will answer our prayers and that His joy can be our strength.
So… will it always be this hard? So much of what you’re feeling and experiencing depends on you, and on your walk with God! Even when circumstances are horribly difficult, that doesn’t mean your situation needs to be without hope and joy.
It’s often those tough circumstances that God uses to help mold and grow us into women who reflect His glory.