The Respect Dare Wrap Up – Who’s that HOT Guy?

17 Comments May 22, 2012 in Christian Life, Marriage, Married Single Moms and Women

Our Respect Dare group has ended. It was a great 9 weeks!! I made some new friends and learned a lot in the process.

Even though I’d been through the book on my own, there’s a lot more accountability and power to it when you go through it with a group. I highly recommend this book to any group of married women – whether your marriage is strong or not.

Because I missed a week of sharing which Dare impacted me I’m doing a little back-tracking. I want to tell you a true story… and give you a challenge.

The Respect Dare Wrap Up - Who's that HOT Guy - Carla Anne Coroy - Women watching a movie

Watch what you say and think regarding 'sexy' men in movies or elsewhere! Respect your husband and be modest in thought and word!

Movie Talk

I will never forget the first time I was in a group of Christian women who were chatting about a movie. Not being a movie buff I hardy know the names of movies, much less actors’ names. However, I’ve learned a few. That night I learned one.

Mel Gibson.

I had never heard Christian women go on and on like that about what a man looked like! Not only that, these were married Christian women.

I felt awkward. I was embarrassed and didn’t know what to do. I stayed silent.

I wondered what their husbands thought about their attraction to a movie star.

Who’s hot and who’s not?

I’ve never felt comfortable talking about which men are good looking, or ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’, or who are ‘real men’.

Except for rare occasions (I actually can’t remember any, but I know I’m not perfect) I haven’t ever talked about a man in this way… unless he was my husband.

I thought I was the only one. Until my recent tour.

I was having lunch with my friend and her family. My friend is white and her husband is black. She was barbecuing chicken and called in, ‘Carla Anne do you prefer white meat or dark meat?’

I told her I prefer dark meat.

Her daughters started laughing and said, “Mom prefers dark meat, too, right, Mom?”

I realized they were talking about the color of their dad’s skin… dark. Then the words started flying!!

They insist that their mother finds no white men attractive, and will almost never say anything nice about another man. I was curious and kept listening.

They revealed through their conversation with their mom that she never compliments another man on his looks, even in a conversation with just her daughters. She has kept her eyes and her heart and her compliments for her husband alone.

That, my friends, is a respectful wife.

Watching our words

Yes, we need to watch what we say about our husbands, both in public and private. Most women at least understand that.

But we also need to watch what we say about other men.

When we allow our eyes and minds to look at another man and assess his sexiness, or his ability to physically attract us, we are being unfaithful with our hearts.

In my recent post ‘Should Christians Wear Bikinis’ many people commented that there is more to modesty than just how we dress. And that is so, so true!

Women… we also need to keep our eyes and thoughts on our husbands. We need to be modest of heart.

It is inappropriate to talk about good-looking men – in movies, or in church, or on a sports team, or wherever – unless he is YOUR husband. But don’t just stop talking about all the other guys… be sure to let your husband know that he is all you allow yourself to feast your eyes on and that you are choosing HIM as your sexy man.

Am I saying looks are not important? No.

Am I saying that we shouldn’t enjoy the beauty of God’s creation? No.

I am saying that as married Christian women we need to make a covenant with our eyes (like Job did) and keep our hearts, minds and words pure.  Never speak about another man’s ‘sexiness’. The only person’s sexiness you have any right to talk about is your husband’s, and then only if it is in a good way.

I just know someone is going to leave a comment and tell me her husband is no longer attractive and therefore she has permission to dream.

Ummm. No you don’t.

If all you look at, and if all you dream of, and if all you allow yourself to think about is your husband he will become more and more attractive to you. Keep your eyes and heart off of other men and you’ll be surprised at the change in your heart.

And when the other women in the group start talking about Mel Gibson, Denzel Washington or whoever the newest rage is among women… feel free to join the conversation by talking about your man!! Let them know you love him and choose to think only of him.

That’s respect!

More posts in this series

The Respect Dare
The Respect Dare – Week 1
The Respect Dare – Week 2 – Tearing Down Our Husbands
The Respect Dare – Week 3 – What He Makes
The Respect Dare – Week 4 – Calling Attention to Good
The Respect Dare – Week 5 – Encouragement
The Respect Dare – Week 6 – Toeing the Line
The Respect Dare Series Hi-Jacked By Exhaustion
The Respect Dare Wrap Up – Who’s that HOT Guy? (right here!)

How about you?

  • Have you ever been in the situation I was in, hearing married women talk about ‘sexy’ men who weren’t their husbands?
  • What do you think your husband’s reaction would be if he heard you talking about another man’s sexiness or good looks? If it’s happened, what was his reaction? Ask him and find out!

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  1. Colette says:

    But my husband IS as sexy as any movie star.

    What you say is so true Carla Anne. I think I am just learning to say nice things about my husband, to him and to others. It makes him feel good But it also makes me feel good and more attracted to him.

  2. Angel says:

    This is so true. And I feel it’s such a double standard for men. Most all Christian women and most women in general feel it’s so degrading to have their husbands comment on women, yet they are doing the exact same thing! I can’t stand it!

    Great post! I found it on Pinterest!

    • Carla Anne says:

      Yeah for Pinterest!! :) So glad you were able to connected here. Hope you find more posts on the blog that you enjoy!

      Many blessings,
      Carla Anne

  3. Natalie says:

    This is definite food for thought! I will take care to show more respect in this area. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Lavonah says:

    I am glad someone out there thinks i am not crazy,not long ago i heard a conversation with a friend of mine who is not married,and she could understand why i never compliment or talk about another man’s looks.I even told her that i would want my husband comment about another woman’s beauty!So Thank you so much for sharing. :-)

  5. Lavonah says:

    I am glad someone out there thinks i am not crazy,not long ago i heard a conversation with a friend of mine who is not married,and she could *not* understand why i never compliment or talk about another man’s looks.I even told her that i would *not *want my husband comment about another woman’s beauty!So Thank you so much for sharing. :-)

  6. Tillie says:

    My husband and I have shared with one another when we see someone who is attractive, in that they dress in a way that doesn’t make them look trashy, but I can’t say that I’ve been *attracted* to anyone other than my husband in years – not since before we were dating, actually. Other guys just don’t appeal to me that way any more.

    • Carla Anne says:

      Tillie, it’s kind of nice when by practicing staying attracted to our husbands that we actually begin to have our tastes moulded completely to them!! I like how you say, “other guys just don’t appeal to me that way any more” !! Yay!!!

  7. I love this post. Thanks, Carla. I was just talking w/ some friends about this this very week.

    Words are important.

    We, as Christians, should stop adopting the world’s words and start using language that we should.

    I wrote a post on this very thing that I would like to share if that’s OK. It’s called “Want to Be Hot? I Hope Not.” (It’s a guest post on this site.)

    http://www.modernalternativemama.com/blog/2011/7/22/want-to-be-hot-i-hope-not.html

    Blessings.

  8. Amanda says:

    I just found your blog through pinterest and I LOVE it! I have only been married for 2 years but I have found this to be true so many times over. One of the things I have committed to, is not to say anything bad about my husband either, whether he can hear me or not. I want other women/wives to think I have the best man in the world. Because I do! Thanks for this blog. I actually popped over on your Should Christians wear Bikinis post – and I thought it was neat because I just made myself a modest bathing suit and am sewing one for my sister as well. So glad this is becoming an issue people talk about!

    • Carla Anne says:

      Amanda, welcome to the blog! Glad you are here!

      I’m interested to know where you got your bathing suit pattern and where you found bathing suit material. Do you have a link you can share?

  9. Amanda says:

    I found a blog called Freshmodesty.com. A 19-yr old girl wrote an e-book detailing how to make your own pattern for a shirt, skirt, and shorts bathing suit. They are adorable! And she shows different ways of changing it up so that you don’t have to make the same suit over and over. I found swimwear material at my local fabric store (I live in Canada – it’s called Atlantic Fabrics). I made my suit for about $25 and it took me about 4 days (I have a baby so I can’t sew continually all day long). Olivia does tell you where you can order the material online – there’s an online store that sells swimwear fabric. But I haven’t bought material online as it all comes from the States and I’m worried about shipping costs. It does take a bit of math to get the pattern pieces made but she was very detailed and my measurements worked perfectly (and I hate math!). I didn’t even have to use a serger! You can check out my finished suit on my blog – http://itravel4him.wordpress.com/2012/06/11/mondays-musings-dont-forget-about-the-giveaway/

    • Mia says:

      I would like to extend this wonderful post to all the single ladies out there. I understand that we are not married and so we do not have a man to hold on to, but we do have God. I believe that if we start to look at men in that way when we are single then it is going to be very difficult to stop when we get married. When I say that way I mean making comments about their body or special features. I think that just as we like for men to respect us and not judge our personality by our looks we should not judge men by their looks. We need to love others as we love ourselves. Lets delight in God and in His time He will give us our heart’s desire. Then we can tell our husband that we have eyes only for him :)

  10. Pingback: The Respect Dare - Week 1 - Carla Anne Coroy

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  12. Susie says:

    But some of our husbands do make comments every time a sexy woman shows up on T.V. and we wives just took it for granted and don’t feel hurt, because men are just men. To me just because some one admire a beautiful creation by God doesn’t always mean he or she will cheat. However, an insecure spouse will not be able to tolerate his wife admiring a public figure, and then question his worthiness in her eyes.

  13. Fluff says:

    My husband and I will comment on how some young man is smart or looking handsome (never sexy) and we will laugh together or even see if there is something hubby can copy from the man. I have always found it intriguing that married women or those dating can still find someone else sexy. Whenever I would fill those interesting questions on blogs or stuff, the person whom I would most want to go out on a date with was not Denzel or Brad Pitt or a famous man in my country. It was and still is my husband. After all, what do I know about Denzel? He might look good but act like a snob or whatever. Besides, he is married. More importantly, my husband knows me. He knows my favourite food and drink, thinks I am sexy even with this pouch of a tummy and funny-looking hair. Plus, he is wonderful himself. Why would I look elsewhere? I might find some actors or men generally handsome and will appreciate that, but at the end of the day, my husband is the hot guy.

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