Our Respect Dare group has ended. It was a great 9 weeks!! I made some new friends and learned a lot in the process.
Even though I’d been through the book on my own, there’s a lot more accountability and power to it when you go through it with a group. I highly recommend this book to any group of married women – whether your marriage is strong or not.
Because I missed a week of sharing which Dare impacted me I’m doing a little back-tracking. I want to tell you a true story… and give you a challenge.
I will never forget the first time I was in a group of Christian women who were chatting about a movie. Not being a movie buff I hardy know the names of movies, much less actors’ names. However, I’ve learned a few. That night I learned one.
I had never heard Christian women go on and on like that about what a man looked like! Not only that, these were married Christian women.
I felt awkward. I was embarrassed and didn’t know what to do. I stayed silent.
I wondered what their husbands thought about their attraction to a movie star.
Who’s hot and who’s not?
I’ve never felt comfortable talking about which men are good looking, or ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’, or who are ‘real men’.
Except for rare occasions (I actually can’t remember any, but I know I’m not perfect) I haven’t ever talked about a man in this way… unless he was my husband.
I thought I was the only one. Until my recent tour.
I was having lunch with my friend and her family. My friend is white and her husband is black. She was barbecuing chicken and called in, ‘Carla Anne do you prefer white meat or dark meat?’
I told her I prefer dark meat.
Her daughters started laughing and said, “Mom prefers dark meat, too, right, Mom?”
I realized they were talking about the color of their dad’s skin… dark. Then the words started flying!!
They insist that their mother finds no white men attractive, and will almost never say anything nice about another man. I was curious and kept listening.
They revealed through their conversation with their mom that she never compliments another man on his looks, even in a conversation with just her daughters. She has kept her eyes and her heart and her compliments for her husband alone.
That, my friends, is a respectful wife.
Watching our words
Yes, we need to watch what we say about our husbands, both in public and private. Most women at least understand that.
But we also need to watch what we say about other men.
When we allow our eyes and minds to look at another man and assess his sexiness, or his ability to physically attract us, we are being unfaithful with our hearts.
In my recent post ‘Should Christians Wear Bikinis’ many people commented that there is more to modesty than just how we dress. And that is so, so true!
Women… we also need to keep our eyes and thoughts on our husbands. We need to be modest of heart.
It is inappropriate to talk about good-looking men – in movies, or in church, or on a sports team, or wherever – unless he is YOUR husband. But don’t just stop talking about all the other guys… be sure to let your husband know that he is all you allow yourself to feast your eyes on and that you are choosing HIM as your sexy man.
Am I saying looks are not important? No.
Am I saying that we shouldn’t enjoy the beauty of God’s creation? No.
I am saying that as married Christian women we need to make a covenant with our eyes (like Job did) and keep our hearts, minds and words pure. Never speak about another man’s ‘sexiness’. The only person’s sexiness you have any right to talk about is your husband’s, and then only if it is in a good way.
I just know someone is going to leave a comment and tell me her husband is no longer attractive and therefore she has permission to dream.
Ummm. No you don’t.
If all you look at, and if all you dream of, and if all you allow yourself to think about is your husband he will become more and more attractive to you. Keep your eyes and heart off of other men and you’ll be surprised at the change in your heart.
And when the other women in the group start talking about Mel Gibson, Denzel Washington or whoever the newest rage is among women… feel free to join the conversation by talking about your man!! Let them know you love him and choose to think only of him.
More posts in this series
The Respect Dare
The Respect Dare – Week 1
The Respect Dare – Week 2 – Tearing Down Our Husbands
The Respect Dare – Week 3 – What He Makes
The Respect Dare – Week 4 – Calling Attention to Good
The Respect Dare – Week 5 – Encouragement
The Respect Dare – Week 6 – Toeing the Line
The Respect Dare Series Hi-Jacked By Exhaustion
The Respect Dare Wrap Up – Who’s that HOT Guy? (right here!)
How about you?
- Have you ever been in the situation I was in, hearing married women talk about ‘sexy’ men who weren’t their husbands?
- What do you think your husband’s reaction would be if he heard you talking about another man’s sexiness or good looks? If it’s happened, what was his reaction? Ask him and find out!