One of the great fears for women whose husbands travel a lot is in the area of fidelity.
Is he really being faithful?
This is a struggle for so many women I hear from, and I know it was a struggle for me as well.
In this day and age it is so very, very easy for a man (or a woman for that matter) to be sexually unfaithful. (Emotional unfaithfulness is also a common issue.)
His hotel room will have a TV with access to any number of X-rated shows, adult-only viewing, and porn. If he isn’t watching it there, it’s easy enough for him to get it on his laptop or hand-held internet device. Today his iPod, iPad, Android, cellphone, etc. is with him wherever he is, making porn literally as close as a thumb-click away.
Many wives, whose husbands tend to travel to the same location over and over, begin to fear that he has a mistress on the other end.
As women we look for clues – lipstick marks, scents of perfume we don’t recognize, texts, emails and calls from women, charges on the credit card and so on. We know what we look for. Sometimes we are even brave enough (or afraid enough) to ask him directly.
Temptation knocks at their door
Recently I had a conversation with a man who, for many years, was the Director of Transport for Christ here in Manitoba, Canada. He was a long-distance truck driver. On one of his trips he took his wife along to keep him company and to show her the road.
They stopped for the night at a truck stop and she headed into the sleeper to get ready for bed. But he interrupted her and asked her to come back into the cab to watch what would happen.
As she moved to join him in the cab she noticed a lady-of-the-night approaching her husband’s door. Catching a glimpse of another woman in the cab she turned on her heel. She went directly to the next truck, knocked on the door and was given entrance. His wife was shocked! He told her to wait with him and watch.
After about 20 minutes the “night worker” left that truck and knocked on the next truck’s door and was let in again. She continued this along the line of trucks, going in wherever a man would let her.
This man’s wife finished that trip with a stronger sense of her role at home while he was gone, and how she could best help him.
Some men are faithful
Not all truckers open the door. Not all pilots sleep with other flight crew. Not all executives sleep with their secretaries. I know the movies want you to think they do, but it’s not true. Some do. And some don’t.
Yes the temptations are a tempest around our husbands. That does not mean they are succumbing. You need to remember that.
But let me assure you of this: The devil wants your husband to have an affair or to be sexually unfaithful to you. He wants to ruin your marriage and put an end to what God called good.
You and your husband must fight this.
What is my role in this?
As a wife, your role is to encourage your husband to be the man and father God created him to be, always leaving room in the family for him to join again when he comes home. That means you need to encourage him to be faithfully pure.
How? Here are a few ways:
Pray for him. Pray specifically against sexual infidelity. Pray for his emotional faithfulness. Pray that he would choose to be a man of purity.
Pray for yourself. God alone can protect you from the fears that Satan wants to tear you apart with. Spend time with the Lord asking Him to speak truth to your heart about this situation. Ask Him to give you a heart of trust toward your husband.
Understand and know him. Ask him when the most tempting times of day are. Pray for him during those times. Call him on the phone during those times if at all possible. Know what he needs from you while he is gone so that he can more easily withstand the temptations.
Make great sex a part of your life while he is at home. This is tough for many of us. He is hardly home enough to make it feel like we can emotionally connect with him, yet we need that emotional connection to have great sex.
Sheila Wray-Gregoire has a series going on right now over at her blog as part of her pre-launch for her soon-to-be-released book called The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. She’s a Christian author who talks a lot about how to make sex great within a Christian marriage. You may find some of what she says helpful.
When our husband’s sexual needs are fulfilled regularly at home he is less likely to be lured by lustful thoughts and wayward women. Having great sex won’t guarantee his faithfulness, but if he knows where he’s got it good, he’s going to want to preserve that!
Think about and Plan your response. I know it sounds crazy. But I’m going to give you 2 pieces of advice that seem to contradict each other.
Number 1: Think about and choose to believe in his covenant with you and God. He said he would be faithful, so believe that (unless of course he says otherwise).
Number 2: Begin to pray and plan for forgiveness. Your husband may never slip and fall in this area of fidelity. Many men stay faithful. Most husbands will fail in one regard at least once during their married lives – usually in the area of porn, or even masturbating while fantasizing or lusting after another woman. His sin does not determine your ability to have a good marriage. Your ability to forgive him along with his commitment to repent from that sin is what makes the difference. You can’t make his commitment for him, but you can work on preparing your heart to forgive.
Preparing to forgive
Some of you are upset right now with my words. WHAT!?!? You want me to FORGIVE the man!?!? Didn’t God say I could divorce him?
Yes. God did say that. But he didn’t say you could hold on to a grudge.
You still have to forgive him.
Also, God didn’t ever say that unfaithfulness meant you had to divorce. God hates divorces. It seems to me that God would much rather we choose to pursue Him, His strength, His love and forgiveness, and His power – all things which hold firm in the midst of betrayal.
Because God demands us to forgive whether we get a divorce or not, preparing ahead of time to be as gracious, understanding and willing to forgive as possible is to your great benefit. You may find it also improves your ability to grow a strong, vibrant, mature love in your marriage (whether or not infidelity ever occurs). be much more likely chance to grow a stronger, newer, more mature love with His help.
Trust in God conquers fear
Do we need to fear our husbands’ infidelity? No.
We need to do what we can to face the truth. We should be proactive in any way we can.
Then we need to lean on the Lord with all we are. And in Him we should prepare to offer grace and forgiveness if ever it is asked of us.
I’m sorry I can’t promise you that your husband will always be faithful. What I can promise is this: whether your husband remains faithful forever, or someday stumbles, God is trustworthy. He can be your strength, your strong tower and your everlasting hope to face whatever may come.